Western Conference Quarterfinals, game 5

Colorado 3, Dallas 2(OT)

Colorado wins series 4-1

Avs couldn't clear a puck to save their lives, took stupid penalty after stupid penalty, their goalie was awkward ans slow, and they won. They won! I'm dumbfounded.

Edmonton 3, Detroit 2

Edmonton leads 3-2

Edmonton's penalty kill was on, and overall frustrated Detroit with their style of play. This is the best series to watch. What are the chances of both the first and second seeds being knocked off by the seventh and eighth?

Calgary 3, Anaheim 2

Calgary leads 3-2

Iginla scores twice to help his Flames to a win, pushing Anaheim to within one game of elimination.

San Jose 2, Nashville 1

San Jose wins 4-1

Marleau scores again to give the Sharks the win and the series. San Jose scored twice on the power play to take the game, and now have a good few days rest before the next round.

Western Conference Quarterfinals, game 4

Dallas 4, Colorado 1

Colorado leads 3-1

Could it be possible? Stars played great tonight!


Detroit 4, Edmonton 2

Series tied, 2-2

Detroit had three power plays in this win, and Edmonton coach Craig MacTavish was furious with the way the referees called the game. To be fair, there were quite a few borderline calls in the game...

Anaheim 3, Calgary 2(OT)

Series tied, 2-2

OK, I didn't see this game. But now the series is tied.

San Jose 5, Nashville 4

San Jose leads 3-1


Patrick Marleau had his third career postseason hat trick, and the Sharks come one step closer to eliminating the Preds with this win. Nashville played well, but couldn't quite top San Jose.

The Blimp Story

I realised last night that when I switched computers, i lost all the odds and ends of old emails. Actually, that's not entirely accurate...I knew when I switched I cleared off all the old emails, but last night I realised that that also meant that I had lost (gasp!) The Blimp Story!

I was devastated. So this morning, not really expecting much, I typed in "the blimp story" and it turns out that this thing is all over the web (can you hear the angels singing in the background?). I was so happy!!! This story makes me almost pee my pants every time I read it. I really don't know where it came from, but it sounds an awful lot like Dave Barry to me. So, for those of you who haven't read it, I give you....The Blimp Story!

The horror of blimps


Last week while travelling I stopped at a Zany Brainy store and saw that they had a blimp for sale. It's called Airship Earth, and it's a great big balloon with a map of the Earth on it, and two propellors hanging from the bottom. You blow up the balloon with helium put batteries in it, and you have a radio controll indoor blimp.

I'd seen these things for sale in Sharper Image catalogs for $60-$75. At Zany Brainy it was on clearance for $15. What a deal!

Last night my wife was playing tennis and it was just my daughter and I at home. I bought a small helium tank from a party store, and last night we put the blimp together.

Let me tell you, it's quite a blimp. It's huge. The balloon has like a 3 ft diameter.

We blew it up with the tank attacched the gondola with the propellors, and put in batteries.

Then we balanced the blimp for neutral bouyancy with this putty that came with it, so it hangs in the air by itself neither rising nor falling.

It was easy and fun, and then I blew up another balloon and made Mickey Mouse helium voices for my daughter.

My three year old girl loved it. We flew the blimp all over the house, terrorized the dog, attacked the fish tank, and the controls were so easy my daughter could fly.

Let's face it, blimps are fun.

Alas, the fun had to end and my daughter had to go to sleep. I left the blimp floating in my office downstairs, my wife came home, and we went to bed, and slept the sleep of the righteous.

At this point it is important to know that my house has central heating. I have it configured to blow hot air out on the ground floor and take it in at the second floor to take advantage of the fact that heat rises.

The blimp which was up until this moment a fun toy here embarked on a career of evil. Using the artificial convection of my central heating, the blimp stealthily departed my office. It moved silently through the living and drifted to the staircase. Gliding wraithlike over the staircase it then entered the bedroom where my wife and I lay sleeping peacefully.

Running silently, and gliding six feet or so above the ground on invisible and tiny air currects it approached the bed.

In spite of it's noiseless passage, or perhaps because of it, I awoke. That doesn't really say it properly. Let me try again.

I awoke, the way you awake at 2:00 AM when your sleeping senses suddenly tell you without reason that the forces of evil on converging on you.

That still doesn't do it. Let me try one more time.

I awoke the way you awake when you suddenly know that there is a large levitating sinister presence hovering towards you with menacing intent through the maligant darkness.

Now sometimes I do wake up in the middle of the night thinking that there are large sinister and menacing things floating out of the darkness to do me and mine evil. Usually I open my eyes, look and listen carefully, decide it was a false alarm, and go back to sleep.

So, the fact that I awoke in such a manner was not all that unusual.

On this occasion I awoke to the sense that there was a large menacing presence approaching me silently out of the gloom, so I opened my eyes, and there it was! A LARGE SILENT MENACING PRESENCE WAS APPROACHING ME OUT OF THE GLOOM, AND IT COULD FLY!!!

Somewhere in the control room of my mind a fat little dwarf in a security outfit was paging through a Penthouse while smoking a cigar with his feet up on the table, watching the security monitors of my brain with his peripheral vision. Suddenly he saw the LARGE SILENT SINSITER MENACING FLOATING PRESENCE coming at me, and he pulled every panic switch and hit every alarm that my body has. A full decade's allotment of adrenaline was dumped into my bloodstream all at once. My metabolism went from "restful sleep mode" to HOLY SHIT! FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE OR DIE!!!! mode" in a nanosecond. My heart went from twenty something beats per minute to about 240 even faster.

I always knew this was going to happen. I always knew that skepticism and science were mere psychological decorations and vanities. Deep in our alligator brains we all know that the world is just chock full of evil and monsters and sinister forces aligned against us, and it is only a matter of time until they show up. Evolution know this, too. It knows what to do when the silent terror comes at you from out of the dark.

When 50 million years worth of evolutionary survival instinct hits you all at once flat in the gut at 200 mph it is not a pleasant sensation.

Without volition I screamed my battle cry (which is indistinguishable to the sound a little girl makes when you drop a spider down her dress (not that I'd know what that sounds like,) and lept out of bed in my underwear.

I struck the approaching menace with all my strength and almost fell over at the total lack of resistance that a helium balloon offers when you punch the living shit out of it with all the stength that sudden middle of the night terror produces.

It's trajectory took it straight into the ceiling fan which whipped it about the room at terrifying velocity.

Seeking a weapon, I ripped the alarm clock out of its plug and hurled it at the now High Velocity Menacing presence (breaking the clock and putting a nice hole in the wall.)

Somehow at this moment I suddenly realized that I was fighting the blimp, and not a monster. It might have been funny if I didn't truly and actually feel like I was having a legitimate heart-attack.

On quivering legs I went to the bathroom and literally gagged into the toilet while shaking uncontrollably with the shock of the reaction I'd had.

Unbeleivably, both my wife and daughter had completely slept through the incident. When I decided that I wasn't having a heart attack after all I went back into the bedroom and found the blimp which had somehow survived the incident.

I took it to the walk in closet and released it inside where it floated around with the air currents released from the vents in there. I closed the door, this sealing it in, and went back to bed. About 500 years later I fell asleep.


***

At about 7 am my wife awoke. She had been playing tennis and wasn't aware that we have assembled the blimp the previous evening, and that is was now floating around the the walk-in closet that she approached.

The dyndamic between the existing air currents of the closet and the suction caused by opening the door was just enough to give the blimp the appearance of an Evil Sinister Menace flying straight towards her.

This time the blimp did not survive the encounter, nor almost, did I, as I had to explain to my very angry spouse what motivated me to hide an evil lurking presence in the closet for her to find at 7 am.

I can order replacement balloons on the internet but I don't think I will.

Some blimps are better off dead.

Western Conference Quarterfinals, game 3

Colorado 4, Dallas3 (OT)

Colorado leads series 3-0

Yet another devastating loss in overtime.

Dallas played well the entire game, and once again were leading late in the third. Colorado went on a power play and pulled their goalie for a two man advantage, and scored with less than a minute left, and then went on to win in overtime. What happened to the incredible overtime team of the regular season??

It's necessarily impossible for the Stars to get out of this hole and win four straight to take the series, but it's ridiculously unlikely. NASA has people to handle those kinds of stats.


Edmonton 4, Detroit 3(2OT)

Edmonton leads 2-1

Edmonton just won't go away, which is good for my vindictiveness..if Dallas can't make it out of the first round, then Detroit shouldn't get to either. Don't expect Detroit to just give up, though; they really are the better team in this series.

Calgary 5, Anaheim 2

Calgary leads 2-1

It helps when the power play is healthy, and Calgary's was in this game. They scored three with the man advantage and got goals from five different players.

San Jose 4, Nashville 1

San Jose leads 2-1


San Jose is trying to crush Nashville with their physical play, and doing a pretty good job of it, too. The Sharks are using their size to advantage in this series.

ew, ew, EW!

I have to tell you what happened to me...

I had this chicken that I was going to roast for dinner, and when I got it out of the sink at four this afternoon, it was still a little frozen, which I thought was a little odd. So I'm rinsing it under hot water and trying to decide what to stuff it with, and it's still being really uncooperative, more so than just being a little frozen would call for. Plus I couldn't open it to rinse the inside. So I started getting a little suspicious at this point and got out my big knife to cut this bird in half.

Sure enough...
It hadn't been cleaned. Head chopped and plucked and that was it. All the organs were still in there. Ew.

Western Conference Quarterfinals, game 2

Colorado 5, Dallas 4 (OT)

Colorado leads series 2-0

The good news is that after a horrid start where they were down 3-0 after one period, the Stars came back to lead 4-3. The bad news is that they allowed a short handed goal with less than two minutes in the third, and ended up losing in overtime.

The Stars have to win these next two games in Colorado. If they can tie the series at two, they'll be able to shake what has happened. If thew go down 3-0 or even 3-1, I don't think they'll come back.

Edmonton 4, Detroit 2

Series tied 1-1

Edmonton played well this whole game, shutting down Detroit's offense and putting it away with an empty net goal in the third. Look for Detroit to be a little angry tonight.

Anaheim 4, Calgary 3

Series tied 1-1

Anaheim exposed Calgary's biggest weakness-they don't score a lot of gaols. They don't have to when Kiprusoff's in goal and on form. They did manage to come from behind after being down 3-0, but Calgary will have to do a better job shutting down Anaheim's talented offense if they are to advance.

San Jose 3, Nashville 0

Series tied 1-1

All three of San Jose's goals came on the power play and in the first period, and Nashville's defense was shaky at best. The better team won this game.

I don't think I mentioned that Mike traded his truck in. He ended up with a Ford Taurus that he doesn't really like, but beggars can't be choosers. it was that or ruin our credit, for which I would NOT have been happy. And you know what they say; if Mama ain't happy....

I'm really tired today, and it's only Tuesday. i stayed up till 11:15 last night for NOTHING!

Western Conference Quarterfinals, game 1

Colorado 5, Dallas 2

Colorado leads series 1-0

It seems that the Stars D didn't get the memo that the playoffs have started. Hopefully someone let them know after the game Saturday afternoon.

Detroit 3, Edmonton 2 (2OT)

Detroit leads series 1-0

Detroit is the better team, full of veteran talent. Dwayne Roloson is an average goalie, and Edmonton barely got into the playoffs.

Detroit remembered that. Edmonton forgot.

Don't expect blowout games in this series. Detroit is playing like the Oilers aren't worth their attention, and Edmonton is capitalizing. The Wings should come out on top, but expect a six or seven game series if Detroit continues to play like they did in game one. The Oil matched the Wings, even if they didn't surpass them. Should be a good one to watch.

Incidentally, we're rooting for Edmonton. No one wants to play Detroit, and it's just not the playoffs if Dallas doesn't face Edmonton. Hey, no one said this was an unbiased report.

Calgary 2, Anaheim 1(OT)

Calgary leads 1-0

Anaheim has a talented, young team. Most of the players don't realise that the Stanly Cup Playoffs are supposed to make you buckle under pressure. Calgary has a good core left over from their Finals run in 2004. They know what it takes.

And, Calgary has Mikka Kiprusoff in their goal.

You can be talented all you want, if you can't get the puck past the goalie, you won't win. Calgary will take this series in six.


Nashville 4, San Jose 3

Nashville leads 1-0

These teams are similar; fast and offensive. San Jose's big defensive line won't intimidate Nashville's small, quick forwards. But then, will anything intimidate Paul Kariya? San Jose does have an edge in size and talent, and will probably take this series.

Ouch. That hurt me.

Playoffs!!

Yay!!! Playoffs start today!!! I'm so excited! Stars don't play till tomorrow; which is probably good given the way that they loafed through the last seven or eight games of the season. It looked horrible. But they'll have had three days off, plus they weren't playing for anything anyway, having already locked their position, so I should hope they'll look better come Saturday.

Mike finally traded in his truck yesterday. We both miss the truck, but we've been behind on the payments for who knows how long, so we really had to get something less expensive. I'm glad not to have the creditors breathing down our neck now!

And speaking of money, my mortgage payment, which I just mailed MONDAY, has already cleared the bank. Of course, being the largest check, they pushed it through first, giving us a huge list of NSF. Stupid bank. I know they're perfectly within their rights to push the biggest first, but it's still not fair. I could have only had the one fee, but, oh no, that would be too easy... I don't remember the last time we went a whole month without bouncing something. I hate living week to week!

I was in the shower the other day washing my hair when I realised that I had accidentally bought the wrong kind of conditioner. it was the right brand, but I usually buy the deep conditioning and this was just the regular kind. It was the wrong color, and it smelled foul, like plastic or dog shampoo. I used it because i didn't have anything else, but it was so stinky and I'm thinking I have to run to the store now and get the right kind.

Perversely, it works better. Weird, huh?

PC puke

You know, sometimes working with kids makes you hear enough politically correct nonsense to make you want to hurl. My latest complaint is the winning and losing issue...because apparently kids don't lose at anything anymore. I hear a lot of "There are no losers in this class" and "We're all winners here!" To which I say, bull sh*t. How in the world are we supposed to encourage our kids to strive to do their best if they don't ever win? And how will they know how they're doing in the scheme of things if they don't lose once in awhile? I want to be the best at everything I do, and if I find that I'm not, I try harder, and I'll keep trying until I am the best. I don't think it's cocky. If people say they don't want to be the best, I read it as saying "I don't want to try." There's some things that I know I'm not great at, but it doesn't stop me from trying to be. And I'm sorry, but when I'm in charge of a classroom and two kids are playing a game, as long as they both follow the rules there damn well is a winner and I will congratulate that child.

So there.

Couldn't find Lucius this morning...till I opened the front door and saw her sitting there....with the big grey tom from across the street...

Wonderful.

Wonderful weekend

My parents took the kids to the cabin all weekend, Friday afternoon till Sunday afternoon. It was great! Saturday was by far my most productive day, with a total of three naps. That's living right there. My house was clean all weekend, up until about five minutes after the kids got home.

Friday morning, my car quit on the way to work, but luckily I was close enough to home to come back and get the truck. We looked at it Friday afternoon and found the spark plugs full of oil and dirt and crap. Took them out and cleaned the spark plug holes, put in new ones, changed the oil, ran engine cleaner through it, cleaned corrosion off the battery terminals and hopefully that's it. All that took up a good part of the weekend and required two trips to Wal-Mart and two trips to Auto Zone. Loads of fun!

I think there's a possibility that Lucius spent the whole night outside. Please please no kittens!!!

Easter's this weekend and I still haven't gone up to the attic and gotten the kids' Easter basket's and stuff...

Last night's game was without a doubt the worst game I've seen all season. It was horrible. I have never seen any team, much less the Stars, take so many stupid, damaging penalties. They didn't deserve to win. Now, granted, they can lose every game left and still be in second place, but that doesn't mean they should play like that. They were taking temper-tantrum penalties, the kind Derian Hatcher used to take from time to time. It was the first game this season that I actually turned off before it was over. It was that bad. Ugh.

stupid California teams

The Stars lost both their games in California this past weekend. Friday, they lost in a shootout which hasn't happened yet this season. Or hadn't happened, till Friday. Also, my fantasy team players are dropping like flies with injuries and so my ranking is plummeting. Bastards.

Got a new game called Children of the Nile. It's cool.

I need to find a way to pull the game music off of PC games. Anyone?